I tried to blog yesterday

I tried to blog yesterday, but on the way to the coffeeshop across the street from my apartment, I tripped and my skirt flew clear over my head, exposing my nether regions to the smirky hipster patrons camped outside.

Undeterred, I got into my car to drive to a coffeeshop up the street - the sky looked ominous, and I didn't want to ruin my computer. By the time I was parallel parking two mjnutes later, on Hennepin Ave (a busy street, non-Minnesotans), it was pouring rain. A bus honked at me and I got a little flustered. Right as I was thinking about how smart I was not to have walked now that it was raining, I leaned in to lock my door manually while slamming the door closed to avoid an SUV driving past.

That's when I heard my car idling. I was locked out of my still-running car. While at 5:32, I had assumed my post-faceplant mortification was as bad as it was going to get, it was at 5:35 when I called a locksmith to open my car for me at the cost of $60 that I really hit rock-bottom for the day.

In actuality, the escapade's total cost was $67, as I chose to purchase a very sugary latte and a cookie the size of my head to comfort me as I waited.

When my dad called me later, he laughed and told me that I had just "pulled a [our last name]" so apparently this has happened a time or twenty in the past. I'm not sure if that made me feel better or worse.

Also, that still doesn't explain why I keep falling down in public. Perhaps in addition to the car running lockout, wiping out is a fun new trait I'll pass down to my ever-so-lucky and graceful children.

Hey, unconceived spawn who faceplant in public - you were born into a world where Michele Bachmann has declared a not-so-absurd presidential candidacy. If the worst thing about your lives is the propensity to eat dirt, you're better off than in my wildest dreams.

(P.S. Don't believe them when they say they're close to making hovercraft highways. They've been saying that for decades, and the most exciting development we've gotten in transportation since the '70s is the ability to wrap buses for advertisements.)