Saturday, May 29, 2010

Seeds of dissent

Overheard in suburban Minneapolis coffeeshop:

"That way, we'll GET the Republicans. We'll GET the Democrats. Independents are in the bag once they realize we're not tied to a party. Stay on message, and you'll be fine." - overzealous campaign manager training some door-to-door workers

"Right but I haven't been able to stay on message because they always ask questions that make me get off of it?" - confused woman in Old Navy '03 flag tee and a spangled flag belt

"Anything they ask about, bring it back to patriotism and protection of country." - campaign manager. I can't tell if he's of the Sarah Palin (simply doesn't know the issues and how to discuss them) or Dick Cheney (let's instill the fear of God in all constituents) school of political douchery.

"PEOPLE AREN'T THAT STUPID! They want answers to their questions, not the sidestepping bullshit they're used to! That's why you said he was running!" - another woman, perhaps the only voice of reason in this ragtag group.

"Okay, okay. Let's take 5. And let's meet outside instead..." - manager, perhaps suddenly realizing that all the workers are wearing campaign tees and giving off a sense of complete idiocy and disorganization.

That's why you don't make a Caribou your campaign headquarters, friends.

Relatedly, my eavesdropping is getting out of control, and also taking a serious toll on my productivity.