You Can Go Your Own Way

I remember scoring a near-idiot level on spatial awareness on a high school intelligence test. As they suggest occurs with girls and math scores, I gave up on all things spatial after seeing my results.

I justified everything from how often I bang into things (desks, doorframes, other people while walking) to being horribly off when guessing how many dollars were in a jar of quarters (I said $15 when it was in fact $80. My boyfriend of the time’s mother was horrified and asked him later if I was “just not too smart”). If it involved spatial awareness of any kind, I allowed myself a pass.

This especially extends to driving directions. I am a Point A to Point B driver. Never along the route do I think things like, “Oh, if I turned left I’d be at XX in 3 blocks”. It’s problematic, but I’ve learned that I don’t get frustrated if I: a) am by myself, b) have a lot of gas, and c) I’m not running late. When I was driving a car full of semi-drunk non-Mpls residents to a house on New Year’s a few years ago and got lost in Midtown, I came pretty close to a panic attack. It’s not that being lost freaks me out, it’s that once I’m lost I am 100% incapable of finding my way back unless I turn around and start over. Try explaining that to a bunch of engineers who were born with more logic than they know what to do with.

J once asked how it was possible that I was so flighty and directionally impaired, stating that I was one of the most observant people she knows. The key to this is that I’m only observant about things I care about. For the record, I care about things like my relationships, my next cup of coffee, and crappy celebrity gossip. This means that I’m likely to notice things like email tone, new cafés popping up, and articles about Kate Winslet leaving her seemingly charming husband. I am not likely to notice where an exit is in comparison to another freeway. (This is why I have become a master at driving a full four-leaf clover every time I take 169 anywhere.)

The whole point of this? I got an iPhone a few days ago. Its fabulous mapping capability has ended the days of crossing my fingers and using oak trees and McDonalds’ as my reference points.

“Great!” a friend said when I told them how much I was using this feature.

Yes, I suppose it will be nice to get places on the first try. But secretly, at the back of my brain, I just keep thinking... If I’m not the girl who gets lost going everywhere, WHO AM I?

For now, I am comforted (?) that I have a giant purple bruise on my thigh from our immobile production table that I bump into every time I print anything. And with Easter around the corner, I’ll be forced to lose to my 7-year old cousin in the “Guess the Jelly Beans in the Jar” contest. So I guess I have that going for me, even though I’ll make it to our Easter celebration with nary a U-turn to be seen.