Wednesday, April 20, 2011

And we're back

Hey did you know Easter hasn't yet happened? My bad, Lent!Blog! participants and beloved readers.

I had a dream last night that I was on a blind date with a man who informed me that the Winkelvoss twins were the true inventors of Facebook. Indignantly, I said something along the lines of "I know Mark Zuckerberg, and the Winklevosses are NOT Mark Zuckerberg." Then I threw my napkin on the table and walked out. It was riveting stuff. I felt like the world's saddest person when I woke up. Is this really what occupies the deep recesses of my mind?

Anyway, it brought up an interesting point - in my dream, my dating litmus test was apparently the age-old totally ridiculous conflict between three rich kids from Harvard.

What is your dating litmus test? Explain. Have you ever broken it for *swoon* true love?

IRL, I have a thousand dating litmus tests, the majority of which were first decided my junior year of college during an epic conversation with my friend Emily. Some of them are silly - no puka shells, for god's sake! - and some of them were more serious - I remember wishing for someone who was neither godless nor born-again. Some were depressing to even have to write down (the carpenter jean is dead, fellas. Unless your job requires that you have a loop on your jeans, you need to retire them. Preferably this would be accomplished via a bonfire, and you should invite the ex-girlfriends who stood by you through thick and thin, light-wash utility denim to give the eulogy).

Now, at the ripe old age of 25, I know all the above doesn't mater. Emily is madly in love with someone who loves both puka shells AND carpenter jeans, for example. And I've had fascinating conversations with guys who sit on both sides of the religious spectrum. Some dealbreakers aren't as black and white once you're in the thick of a relationship, but there is one I cannot bend on.

My biggest litmus test is how guys talk about the LGBT community. I have no patience for anyone who uses derogatory slang, or who can't have an intelligent discussion on gay rights. The "you're so gay" slams, still a popular favorite among some guys stuck in high school ten years later, are an unbelievable turnoff. Alternately, those who can engage in thoughtful conversation about this topic are usually mature, intelligent, and confident in themselves. All of those are, naturally, turn-ons.

In the end, it comes down to this - I've got this guy on a pedestal:

And anyone who doesn't believe that he deserves every happiness under the law, doesn't deserve to date me.


Jamie said...

I hadn't even thought about this is a litmus test because I guess it just never happened to me... but whoa, yeah, that would bother me quite a bit!

Greta said...

Obsessed with this post. Excellent point, Thelemann!

Joel said...

Oh man, I've really gotten into it now. Would this be a bad time to tell you I've been pretending to be gay all this time?

Seriously though, not a day goes by that I don't feel incredibly grateful and humbled to have you in my life. You're a good nut, Thelemann.

Gina Marie said...

Jamie - Unfortunately, still know many guys who talk like this. Very frustrating. It makes the good ones stand out even more though!

Thanks Gret.

Joel, I love you but you're a terrible liar. You could never pull off a reverse "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" epilogue.

Emily Anne said...

I'm glad no one made a derogatory statement about the fact that I'm madly in love with a guy who wears puka shells and carpenter jeans.

In addition to his fashion sense, he's had some epic home decor attempts as well.