Thursday, May 15, 2008

Here come the waterworks

I've been crying lately. It's not that I'm not a crier, that I don't ever have small emotional breakdowns. I'm just usually a private crier, able to hold it together until I can make it to the safety of my own room and really let go.

To the excitement of all of my friends, I'm sure, I've recently taken to crying in public. Or at least in social spaces. Sober? Check. Waaasted? You bet. My first memory this morning, still feeling pretty tipsy, was that I cried last night. I actually don't remember the crying as much as I remember apologizing for it. I am hoping it was a few glistening tears and I pulled it off like a sexy 1940's screen siren. I am almost positive this is not the case.

People are leaving. Leaving Madison, leaving my life indefinitely. It reminds me of the two months of send offs that my high school friends and I had before freshman year. Except that unlike high school, we aren't going to have a common place anymore. Our apartments are leased to other tenants, and Madison isn't going to be my home ever again in three short months. I'm going to have to go to Seattle if I want to see Annie, or San Diego if I want to see Katie (I love that I'm bitching about having to go to these sweet places over Wisconsin right now. Ridiculous.)

The weirdest part, perhaps, is that I am just finally to feel like I'm at home in this town. Somehow, this year I found a better sense of myself and of the kinds of people I want to surround myself with. Now some of them are cruelly being taken from me, and I'm not quite ready to say goodbye.

Hmmmm how can I wrap this up? I really want to tone down the depression before Blogger decides to casually add Dashboard Confessional onto this page by default.

Alright, I'll just say that when I called my mom crying today (read: sobbing), she listened to everything I needed to say and then said "at least you know you aren't a coldhearted bitch". S-Mo-P is nothing if not in good in crisis situations.


Emily Anne said...

yup, i was right there two weeks ago sista! you should probably come home now instead of wallowing in your sadness all summer. ok thanks, see ya soon.