Snakes on a Train

I'm a newcomer to public transport, but I'm making slow strides with my new pal BART (Bay Area Rapid Transport) and the characters I come across on the train.

Jeff and I live in a very nice neighborhood, but we have some seedy characters (complete with a drum circle) who hang out at our local BART stop during the day to um, drum and smoke weed. Their real skillset, though, is harassing single women who enter and exit the stop. I've become an expert at walking the long way around the stop to avoid them, and I also wear my headphones because I've learned the hard way that I do NOT want to hear the things they are saying about me as I walk by.

So. That's the biggest bummer.

Once you get on the train, though, there is so much drama for a chronic eavesdropper like me. Last week I live-tweeted the inspiration for my first screenplay, an as-yet-unnamed romantic comedy that takes place entirely on BART.

Dude on train is clearly in love with Lady BFF, who's recounting her terrible Valentine's Day date. #BARTromcom
— Gina Thelemann (@Gina_Bean) February 16, 2014

"He didn't make reservations so we basically ate at a deli." Know who would make resos, honey? Your male BFF, that's who. #BARTromcom
— Gina Thelemann (@Gina_Bean) February 16, 2014

"Do you think you'll see him again?" asks male BFF casually. Girl, if you say yes, I will be v. disappointed in you. #BARTromcom
— Gina Thelemann (@Gina_Bean) February 16, 2014

Girl has refused to take an Instagram photo with Male BFF, proving once and for all that she is beyond undeserving of his love. #BARTromcom
— Gina Thelemann (@Gina_Bean) February 16, 2014

Really, we've all been there, Male BFF, so don't lose hope. Probably don't keep pining for this chick, because I think she knows that you love her and she likes giving you the run-around. But someday soon, I'll see you on the train with a new lady who adores you and we'll make eye contact and I will smile knowingly at you, and you will have NO idea who I am. But I'll be filled with joy on your behalf.

So to recap, sometimes there are fun things to watch on the train. On the other hand, sometimes you get on with luggage after a flight, and you see an entire three of four seats open in a quadrant, with a bunch of people standing. Your natural instinct is to think, "What luck! These fine people are so kind and generous to let the gal with the baggage take a seat!"

But really what's happening is that the gentleman sitting in the quadrant has a snake wrapped around his neck and no one wants to get within six feet of him.

The man whose hand is on the seat realized what was going on when he saw me take this picture. He freaked out and hissed at me, "I'm new to town. Is this normal?!"

I wish I knew, buddy.