Thursday, March 17, 2011

Day seven: Signs of the apocalypse

I can't deny that some of my favorite personalities (Stewart, Colbert, Tosh, etc.) are those who spend their days pointing out the absurdity/stupidity of our culture. I have a pretty high tolerance for that kind of humor. Occasionally, though, I wonder what it means that respected news outlets are covering the devastation in Japan and Charlie Sheen with seemingly equal intensity. And yes, I worry about my ten-years-away-from-being-conceived-children, and how I'll raise them to think critically or work towards success when young girls are rewarded with six figure salaries simply for getting pregnant too early in life and beating up their baby daddies on camera. I worry that we have the term "baby daddy," to be perfectly honest with you.

What is one sign of the apocalypse you've seen lately? When you see things like this, do you laugh, cry - or both?

First of all, I'd like to say that I'm not the person who usually trashes little girls playing with dolls. Is Barbie's rack ridiculous? Yes, of course. But never once in my years of playing with Barbie and her friends did I think I'd like to saddle up to the plastic surgeon on my 18th birthday and demand to be plasticized.

However, dolls like this stress me out:

This is the Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll. My problems with the Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll are six-fold:
  • Either the Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll does not have a butt, or her Monster High peers are getting quite a show
  • The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll seems to be unaware, or uncaring of the dangers of UV rays, whether natural or artificial
  • The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll does not seem to have enough leg muscle to sustain the weight she is putting on feet by wearing nine-inch platform knee-high boots
  • The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll's description states that she is "intimidating", which when taken into account alongside her fierce facial expression seems to indicate that The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll is a bitch and will take you down if you look at her the wrong way in the halls of Monster High. I'm not a fan of bullying
  • The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll, as a product of werewolf parents, has taken it upon herself to educate young women on the perils of unwanted body hair. "Plucking and shaving is definitely a full time job but that's a small price to pay for being scarily fabulous."
  • The Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll is most often purchased for 5-7 year old girls, who seem like they should be playing with a toy slightly less invested in their kindergarten unibrow and more invested in their knowledge of the alphabet and basic addition skills.

In defense of the Monster High Clawdeen Wolf Doll, the packaging does state that one of her traits is that she is absolutely loyal to her friends. So, that's something.

Good riddance.


Jamie said...


A lot of dolls (even Chatty Kathy) freak me out, but that is bad. It seems like some inverse twilightish nightmare type thing.

TMW said...

That is borderline worse than Bratz dolls.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm frightened by this also. What are manufacturers, and more importantly, parents, thinking?!