Runnin On Empty

The jig is up- my life is in shambles. My beautiful yoga retreat in the north woods was wonderful, but it set me up for failure in the real world.

For one, I'm a bag lady. I leave my house when it's dark, carrying a purse that most would consider an overnight bag, enough food for 3 square meals, a bag of dance clothes, my work computer, and, this week, a bag full of art supplies for some kickass projective team-bonding exercises. At work, my brain is on the dancer who looked upset the day before. At dance, my mind is on the project at work that has been sitting in a secret pile under my desk for the last month. I've taken to brewing coffee around 3:30 because I'm so tired that it doesn't even keep me awake at night anymore (I'm BACK!)

Last week, after spending 3 weeks trying to get ahold of TMW, we finally scheduled a 9 PM phone date. I woke up at 4 AM, fully clothed, with a book on my face, and realized that I had fallen asleep even before our call was to take place. I rolled over onto my stomach, underwire digging into my ribcage, turned off the light with one swift motion, and passed back out face-first into my pillow. When I woke up 2 hours later to my alarm, I was certain that it had all been a dream - until I put my feet on the floor and saw that I was wearing jeans, a high ponytail, and my makeup rivaled Momsen on her way to a big performance:

On my way to a wedding this weekend, I grabbed a clutch on the sprint out the door. When looking through my huge purse for stuff to put in the clutch, I found:

• a back up server from work
• 4 DD batteries (?)
• phone charger
• a broken iPod Shuffle
• a 10K running schedule that I printed in July and never could locate afterwards
• 2 full Aquafina water bottles
• 4 different sets of keys (work, car, other car, other work) - none of them on same keychain

At a dinner with friends at Fuddrucker's last night, I took a dessert bar out of my bag and offered it up for sharing. Mid-chew, I informed them that a nice woman in the elevator had given it to me that day. Bob looked like he might vomit as he slowly swallowed his one bite. No, I didn't have the brainpower to discern that I had possibly fallen victim to the adult version of "Strangers With Candy". Yes, I finished it. It was delicious.

My "workout" alarm goes off every morning at 5:30, and I've actually just started laughing at it. Today, I mumbled "Good One" as I turned it off and rolled back over.

Mercifully, no one has staged an intervention yet. Don't worry- I have a plan. I'm grounding myself for all of Saturday. I plan on throwing out half of my closet, including but not limited to my impressive Hanes White Tee collection that I have been working on since freshman year of college. I am terrible at getting rid of stuff, but my plan is to get so caffeinated that I actually black out a little bit and just toss with reckless abandon. From there, I'm combining my four calendars (oh, and keychains) into one so that I don't lose my damn mind cross-referencing them in my head. If this doesn't work, I think I might have to get a stupid stupid smartphone. Nothing makes me angrier than knowing that I'll never return to my free 2003 Nokia, so that's definitely a last resort.

In sum? I'm not complaining. I just know I need to get myself in check, lest I have a nervous breakdown at work because I left a full bag of perishable groceries on the table again (totally hypothetical). At the end of the day, as my mind is racing with planning, pirouettes, and presentations, I am mostly thinking about how lucky I am to be have 2 jobs that allow me to showcase different interests and talents. One year ago, i was job-less (and slightly hopeless). What a difference a year makes when you finally land where you belong.