Friday, September 4, 2009

And the archer split the tree

Being the good liberal that I am, I am a diligent Vanity Fair reader. For two hours a month, it makes me feel like my obsession with celebrities and pop culture makes me a renaissance woman in search of the truth, rather than a shallow entry-level worker with a lot of time on her hands. (If any Vanity Fair editors should come across this, I think it's high time you stopped running stories, interviews, and pictorials featuring Levi Johnston. It makes me feel like I bought STAR instead.)

Anyway, every month a celebrity of some sort answers the "Proust questionnaire", a tweaked version of the original personality questionnaire created by the French writer. Every month, I find myself staring at the questions wondering how I'd answer them if I were asked. So... because I'm taking a mental health day despite technically sitting at my desk, here are the answers I just came up with:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A full table of my favorite people at Amy's, cliche classic rock playing in the background. I have stolen bar signs in my oversized purse, and I'm double fisting vodka sobes as my friends and I laugh hysterically at things we won't remember in the morning.

What is your greatest fear?
Settling for less than I deserve

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I'm bad at living in the moment

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Entitlement

Which living person do you most admire?

My mom is the most genuine person I have ever known.

What is your current state of mind?
Bogged down by insignificant details

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Chastity. I feel really bad for Republicans because they haven't figured this out yet.

On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm caught in another lie

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
It'd be sweet to have a torso.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Independence

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Confidence

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Insane. Amazing. Fabulous. I'm one giant hyperbole (see- I can't even be just a hyperbole. I have to be a giant one)

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Tie for first: Soy lattes with a sprinkle of raw sugar, and Caribou Cold Press with a 1/2 shot of white chocolate

Which talent would you most like to have?

To sing without people around me wincing.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd occasionally make decisions without worrying about everyone else's feelings.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Surrounding myself with a great support system. My friends and family are loyal, supportive, compassionate, and kind. I'm so lucky.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

A cherry blossom tree in Library Mall. Not at all symbolic, I just love that place in the late spring.

What is your most treasured possession?
A necklace my grandmother left to me. I think it has special powers- good things always happen to me when I wear it.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Thinking more negative thoughts than positive ones.

What is your favorite occupation?
I'm taking this as dream occupation, so- Director of a non-profit centered around preventative reproductive healthcare and sexuality education for adolescent girls. Clearly, I've never thought about it before.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My mouth is the size of a five year old's.

Who are your favorite writers?
Audrey Niffeneger and Kaye Gibbons for the characters, James Joyce thematically, Dan Savage and David Sedaris when I need to laugh.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Fern Arable. Dinah as written in The Red Tent.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Bobby Kennedy

Who are your heroes in real life?

Beyonce. Deep down, everyone wants to be Sasha Fierce.

What is it that you most dislike?
A tie between the Literal interpretation of the Bible, and pickles

What is your greatest regret?
Not majoring in Spanish in college

How would you like to die?

While napping, after walking my dog around the lake, coffee in hand, and realizing how wonderful and lucky a life I've led. (Yes, every answer I came up with to this question made me sound like I was living in a Nicholas Sparks novel)

What is your motto?

"The Secret of Life is Enjoying the Passing of Time" - One Mr. James Vernon Taylor

"The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country." - Bobby Kennedy

3 comments:

Teresa said...

Did I know about this deep-rooted hatred you have to pickles?

Emily Anne said...

I thoroughly just enjoyed that post, but it def requires us to now have a coffee date to discuss.

Ps. Agreed on the stupidity of chastity.

Mary said...

YESSSSSSS James Vernon Taylor.
love it, love you.

miss you
ps. i just sent you something really special so be on the look out.