Day 33: Share some expertise

All of us here at Lent!Blog! have relatively different backgrounds. Share some advice/expertise that you think others could benefit from.

Last year I took on a six month freelance project, and I also coach on the side for five months out of the year. So far, I've found that I'm pretty good at balancing my regular career and life with my tack-on money makers. Here's what I've learned that other people might benefit from if they're thinking of freelancing or taking on a second job.

1. Establish ground rules for Job 2.0
My main rule is that Job 2.0 can't detract from Job 1.0. I can’t attend daytime meetings, can't look at project docs after 9 and before 5. (With dance, I leave work early a few times a week, but I give my boss a schedule of these days a week in advance.)

2. Follow up regularly
Unlike your 9-5, a freelance client isn’t able to walk by and see what you’re working on. If you have an impending freelance deadline, check in frequently. You’ll know you have the most up-to-date info on the project, and your client won’t be worried that you are leaving everything to the last minute.

3. Schedule meet-ups in the flesh, if possible
Again, water cooler chats are out of the question. By scheduling a weekly meeting you can be certain to go over your impending schedule live, negotiate any prior commitments that might get in the way (which in emails can seem demanding but in person are easier to get across), and get to the details that would take seven bullet points and serious color coding in email. Plus for god’s sake people, face to face interaction won’t kill you.

4. Take notes
From phone meetings, live meetings, and in my case, notes on events gone bad/good. If you’re working full-time plus, you’re going to be exhausted. Your brain won’t remember the little details, and you’ll be more likely to drop the ball on something. Notes ensure that you can keep up to speed on everything without feeling like you’re on overload.

5. Don’t overschedule the rest of your life
As much as possible, keep your schedule flexible. Usually my friends/family/boyfriend understand that I can’t participate in hastily planned activities, but I hate missing the spontaneous fun. My advice is to map out big things you want to attend, and stick to them. If you make sure to schedule in cabin weekends, date nights and family dinners, you’ll be less upset when you have to miss last minute happy hours or movie nights.

6. Wake up early
During the dance season, I'm often gone from 8 AM until 10 PM, so there is no room for poor planning. When I leave for work in the morning I’m stocked with the day’s food supply, a multitude of layering options, practice plans and handouts, workout gear... and a cup of coffee I had enough time to brew, ensuring that I feel good about the day ahead.

7. Double your coffee budget
Well, not really. But consider the cost of taking on the project - for me, both dance and freelancing meant a lot of gas money, as well as on-the-fly meals and extra coffee purchases. If you’re being paid an hourly rate, ask yourself how much of that will be used to cover your own sanity and driving costs. If it’s significant, reevaluate the value of the project. And always work on ways to cut down your own bottom line- accept rides to carpool with team members if you have them, keep a stash of Clif bars handy for when you have to miss a meal, make friends with the evening baristas in the hopes of scoring an upgraded drink.

8. Know that it’s all going to come crashing down
I’m not Type A, so I can handle the inevitable moment of crushing defeat pretty well. There are inevitable work-work conflicts, days when I forget lunch, pep rallies I have to supervise using PTO. As my very smart friend Greta (and, I learned, her good friend Ma$e) like to say, “Breathe, Stretch, Shake, Let it Go”. We’re probably not programmed to work full-time plus while balancing social lives, personal time, and acceptable hygiene standards. So when you mess up, make sure to keep it in perspective instead of assuming that your mistake is proof that your can’t pull off a second job.

Freelancing can be a responsible way to explore a potential new career path, or to pursue a passion that you can’t afford to work on full-time. But truth be told, it isn’t for everyone. If you’re like me and organized chaos is appealing and even a little thrilling, then do it! You won’t regret the challenge, even if you decide that you’re better at working during standard business hours.

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Day 26: Catchphrase

What's your catchphrase, or most overused word?

I'm really big on the word juju. As in, "I'm sending you good juju."

Lots of people have laughed at me for my juju sending, but I don't care. I love juju. And if you have a big day coming up, I'll send you juju all day long.

Juju is happy, fresh and sincere. It doesn't require the sender and receiver to believe in the same deity, and it doesn't connote any sadness, like when you say you're thinking of someone.

So the next time you're trying to impart hopeful, nonjudgmental, nondenominational wishes upon someone, tell them you're sending them all your best juju. The really good stuff. It totally works.

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Day 24: Anticipation

Yes, I skipped Day 23, and no, I won't be making up for it. Neither will you, Lent!Blog! participants. Moving on...

What are you looking forward to in the near future?

"Anticipation...

... is making me late...

... is keeping me waiting."

My friends and I are all educated, relatively sane individuals. None of us have Team Jacob or Edward t-shirts, and we don't generally talk about celebrities as though they're our friends. Then, over the course of the last few years, we've found ourselves saying things like "I want Eric and Tami Taylor's marriage" and "Why is Tim Riggins so incapable of making good decisions?" and "I wish Tim Riggins was real so I could save him from himself and also kidnap him and force him to sit shirtless in my living room 24 hours a day."

The obsession is, of course, Friday Night Lights. Tomorrow, the fifth and final (THANKS A LOT, NBC, FOR RUINING EVERYTHING) season goes on sale and my four girlfriends and I will gather in my apartment to begin watching it together. There will be: tears, fist pumps, many swears when Rigs doesn't appear in an episode, and of course... there will be wine.

In all seriousness, if you've never watched this show, you should. Friday Night Lights has won Peabody awards, both genders can appreciate it, and the casting directors must have found a black hole of actors because the young cast members are both talented and attractive (I'm looking at you, Gossip Girl). This show is seriously fantastic.

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Day five: Happy Happy Joy Joy

Does it seem like the world is imploding to anyone else? Obviously there are macro-level events we're all concerned about, but for me and my sphere of friends, this last week has been a raging suckfest of personal sads. Therefore:

Name at least one good thing you've heard, seen, or done lately. Seriously, this isn't a trick question. Anything that doesn't have a downside. Go.

I'm actually predicting into the future, knowing that I'm going to have a great night. I'm meeting with one of my favorite people, Lent!Blog! participant Joe of Holly Was a Hoodrat. That's right. We're getting together IRL, something that happens far too seldom. There will be half-price wine and delicious food, he'll teach me something about science, and then we'll fire off on the state of the American political system, where we'll talk about some hard stuff but also bring up easy targets like Glenn Beck and Michele Bachmann because a) they exist, and b) we're nothing if not good Jon Stewart disciples.

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Song of the Day: Auld Lang Syne, Mairi Campbell

Like everyone else on the planet, I first heard this rendition in the Sex and the City movie. I went to painstaking efforts (THREE Google searches) to find a video that didn't include Carrie and Miranda holding each other due to their brief absence of manfriends, so please enjoy this delightful montage of holiday images below. Ignore where it says "Happy New Year 2010, Connie". Unless you're a time traveler named Connie, in which case - Welcome to 2010! Sell your BP stock.



Happy New Year, internet friends. I hope you have as good a feeling about 2011 as I do.

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Achieve (Reverb10, Day 28)

December 28 – Achieve
What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

(Author: Tara Sophia Mohr)

_____

I've had really insightful conversations with a few male friends over the course of the past week. In each instance, we've ended up discussing how best to move on from a difficult situation - how to achieve a balance so that you neither dwell for too long nor blast forward unhealthily. As one of them astutely put it, "Life is, in the end, about how you deal with the moments of instability." So this year, I want to achieve resilience.

There's no one trick to being resilient. Both your strategy and underlying tactics will change depending on what you are trying to move past - a failed relationship or friendship, the end of a job, the realization that you might not achieve what you set out to do. Perhaps even the realization that you aren't the type of person you always hoped you'd be.

But resilience does have one common thread regardless of the situation: consciousness. Forcing yourself to accept that something difficult happened. Then, reflecting honestly on how it happened, who was at fault, how your character and judgment may have affected the situation. Finally, the ability to move past with purpose so your internal cues are not directed by damage or uncertainty.

Time and circumstance can chip away at the person you intend to be, if you don't stop them. Resilience is about wading through at your own pace so you can learn from your mistakes while keeping both eyes on the future.

So - how will I feel when I "achieve resilience"? Probably healthy, whole, alive, grateful. Less guilty, confused, and cynical. It could be pretty life-changing, so I intend to start right now.

Thanks to Reverb for forcing me into intimacy on this page. Yikes was this a difficult one.

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Song of the Day: Brett Dennen, Can't Slow Down

One of the fabulous bloggers I've discovered during Reverb10 is Tami. Tami does a "Song of the Day" and as I tend to listen to the same song on repeat unti I've exhuasted myself, I'm trying to start sharing my obsessions with y'all.

If you think there's anything better than a red-headed folk singer, you're sadly mistaken. Brett Dennen is the bee's knees, or as my mom likes to say, the cat's ass. (No clue, but it's pretty fun to say.)

This song is pretty much a shoutout to the 20-somethings still figuring it out. Hey, that's me! And probably you, if you read this blog.

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Every moment I'm awake

I pointed out to BF last week that I directly pass three Caribou Coffees on my new route to work.

"Do you go to that one?" he asked, pointing out one I'd fail to notice. Dang.

FOUR Caribous, not to mention the indies that are sprinkled along my block. My self-control is better than it used to be, but I'm not made of stone.

On Monday morning, I stopped at the third one. I emerged approximately 150% happier than I entered, thanks to a really sunny barista who chatted with me about yoga. Two blocks into this drive, 6 blocks from work, I was stopped and got a ticket for not wearing my seatbelt.

I always wear my seatbelt. I didn't bother telling this to the cop who pulled me over as she a) wouldn't have believed me and b) was a little busy patting down the (for serious) crackhead without a licence that was pulled over right before me.

However, I want to tell y'all that I really am a seatbelt freak. Seatbelt safety was one of the many campaigns I launched against my father over the years (see also: smoking; the importance of wearing a shirt in front of my first ever boyfriend). My carpool mates and I used to sing a really obnoxious song that included the lyric "Show the world you care by the belt you wear!" to our fellow carpooler who preferred not to belt up. Doesn't this count for something?

After I got over the initial frustration of my bad luck, I realized that it wasn't the coffee's fault. I returned to the scene before the crime today, and was helped by the same cheery barista.

"Hey, now that I know your drink I should really know your name," he said (not nearly as creepily as it looks when typed).

I could have cried. A barista who's going to greet me a la Norm? Who might say something like, "Hey, Gina. The usual or you gonna switch it up today?" Who will start making my drink even before I order it, thereby decreasing my wait time while making the other loser, infrequent patrons jealous?

Dreams do come true.

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Bucket List to 30

After being less than jazzed about 23 and 24, I've been surprising myself with my enthusiasm for the big 2-5. (Which happens this Sunday, so be sure to send all gifts immediately.)


BF and I are off to Milwaukee for a wedding, and are planning to make a quick stop in Madison on our way home so that my birthday isn't just a greasy diner breakfast followed by 7 hours of 94W. I predict that being in Madison 3 years after I last experienced fall there will send me into the usual birthday tailspin to which I am accustomed. Until then, my bucket list to 30. Yes, I included easy ones to make sure I don't get overwhelmed.

Bucket List to 30:

• Travel to: Greece, Italy, Prague, Austin TX, Washington D.C., New York City
  
• Develop self-esteem program for female high school athletes- my dance team to be the guinea pigs, expand out once I work out the kinks
  
• Work/volunteer on a political campaign


• Start up freelance company for writing side projects


• Buy Macbook Pro for said freelance writing projects (Yay!)


• Take on yoga, unless I can afford pilates... in which case, pilates


• Pay off my car and student loans? Or maybe 75% of my student loans is more realistic? I don't know, just take a big crack at debt I guess


• Take conversational Spanish classes
  
• Take a real stab at blogging instead of just ramble-ranting. This includes a full redesign.
  
• Run a 1/2 marathon (TMB, how in shape are you? Could we do this together?)


• Host a legit dinner party


• Unearth the stomach I brought with me to college
• See a concert in the Cumberland Caverns in Tennessee
  
• Take an Excel class so my work life is no longer a living hell


• Allow Jenna to bring me to something outdoorsy, like hiking or camping


• Establish a memorial for Dan


• Attend a taping of The Daily Show


• Buy a house, paint front door red
  
• Continue to fend off marriage and children


• Grow a vegetable garden with veggies that are both edible and alive


• Create a book club that doesn't suck


• Read Jonathan Franzen's "Freedom" and find out what all the fuss is about


• Organize Survivor Bar Crawl for Mpls friends


• Win the State Dance Team championship


• Go to a Twins post-season game (in 2010?!)


• Have a political convo with BF wherein he admits that he's a raging liberal at heart who'd like nothing more than to discuss Paul Wellstone's legacy with me over a glass bottle of Spanish Red
  
• Learn more about wine so I can say I like things other than Spanish Red


• Go on a trip w/ my mom


• Read Kristof's "Half the Sky", change the world after coming to an epiphany half way through (or something like that)

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8 Questions

Jamie tagged me in her 8 Questions post, and now it's my turn to answer her eight questions. This is good news for you, readers, because now that my job actually entails writing, I don't really feel like doing it after hours. It reminds me of the days when my roommate babysits after she works a 10-hour day at her preschool- she knows she loves kids but can't quite remember why.

1. What are your top 2 cities in the world?
Top city is London- the culture, navigating the Tube, shopping at Covent freaking Garden... love it all. I went when I was sixteen and am convinced that if I went as a legal adult that could enter the pubs I'd never come home.

Second... a tie, between Seattle and Nashville. Totally silly because those are the last two cities I've been to but I love the charm of Nashville (southern but not SOUTH) and the chill vibe/walkability of Seattle.

I'm 100% certain that if I ever go to Austin, TX, it would be my favorite city of all time. It's on the top of my to-visit list.


2. Are you doing what you love or doing what you have to?
How appropos! Just started a new job and even though it's early in, I really am doing what I love. After a year and a half in an entry level role at a small agency, I've landed a corporate gig, writing internal/external communications and executing social media channels. In this job market, it's hard to be picky... so I had stayed put and started to give up the ghost on writing as a career. My freelance fairy godmother and countless others reminded me that it's never okay to settle and through some old-school networking, I found a position that fits my skill-set and personality. Still pinching myself.


3. Coffee or tea?
Coffee. I went through a rough patch about a month ago, but I'm back and better than ever. Soy lattes, hot or iced, are the true loves of my life.


4. Describe the moment in your life when you felt the most loved.
I'm not not so good at the gush and I'm very poor at quantifying love... but I'm positive that the last month has collectively been the most loved-up month of my life. Parents are checking in constantly re: the new job, and congratulating me like a three year old in toilet training each time I check off a new accomplishment. BF, the easy going ying to my frazzled yang, has reminded me everyday that life is worth slowing down for. When I sometimes refuse this advice, he gamely joins me under the storm cloud without once mentioning that I need to learn to batten the hatches. Mare's homecoming has breathed new life into my previously stagnant social life, and time with my girlfriends has never been better. Roomie tap dances with me at 11 PM, until we collapse on the couch and chair wheezing from laughter. And I spent four glorious days with JSP in Nashville; I didn't (much to his chagrin) blog about this trip because in the end... every attempted post didn't do it justice. We're better now than we ever were in Wisco because we're confident in our decisions and life plans but at the same time, there was a wistfulness that threaded through our trip as we realized that we'll likely remain a plane ride away from one another for quite some time. And possibly forever.

Oh dear. I guess I am good at the gush, after all.


5. Who do you think had the single biggest impact on your life so far?
My mom. I've never met anyone who is so gifted in the social sphere. Everyone, everyone, loves my mom. As a child I realized that if someone didn't think she was the greatest person alive, they weren't worth knowing. I still follow that rule; it's never failed me.


6. What song lyrics say exactly what you're feeling right now?
Ray LaMontagne's whole new album is speaking to me, especially the song Old Before Your Time:

It took so long to see
That truth was all around me
Now the wren has gone to roost and the sky is turning gold
And like the sky, my soul is also turnin
Turnin from the past at last and all I've left behind
Could it be that I am finally learnin?

Oh gorgeous, bearded man, I love you.


7. Pro sports or college ball?
Depends on the sport. Pro baseball, college basketball, pro football but I love Badger gamedays with my Wisco alums in town.


8. What book do you really, really want to see made into a movie?
Charms for the Easy Life by Kaye Gibbons. It's my favorite book of all time, and no you can't borrow it because I like to read it about 3x a year. My dream cast (assuming that because it's in a dream all these people don't have to be age-appropriate now, or even alive) is:

Katherine Hepburn as Charlie Kate
Ashley Judd as Sophia
Kyle Chandler (smokeshow!) as Mr. Baines
Rory Gilmore as Margaret
Ryan Gosling (double smokeshow!) as Tom Hawkings

I've been casting this movie for something like 8 years in my head, so unless they can bring back Kat from the dead, they'd better not make it and ruin my life.

____

I'm tagging my as-yet-untagged blogging BFFs- KC, ProntoPup, LH, Joel (ahem), Sara, and Teresa and anyone else for my 8 questions.

1. What's one obscure-ish website you visit?
2. What's your go-to catchphrase?
3. Worst job you ever had? (T- please share at length the summer of Come Back Inn. It's why I included this question. A thank you!)
4. One moment you'd like to relive- to change something
5. One moment you'd like to relive where you wouldn't change anything
6. Favorite alcoholic drink
7. I think the majority of you are, like me, born rule-followers. What's one time in your life you broke the rules, and how did it turn out?
8. At weddings, do you participate in the Electric Slide, Macarena, and Chicken Dance? Why/why not?

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Onward, upward...

All quiet on the blog front lately... For good reason. Life changes have been brewing, and now they’re at full strength (see what I did there? Eh?) and ready to be shared.

On Thursday, I resigned from my job. In 3 weeks, I will be working on the corporate side of marketing for the first time. Most importantly, I’ll be writing.

Writing. For work. As my job. I’ll be paid for it. Paid to write.

Making the decision to leave my first full-time job was unbelievably difficult. When I got this job, I cried for about 2 days straight- after months of applying for terrible jobs, I somehow got the one job that I wanted the most. One that required the use of my tack-on Women’s Studies major as well as my main major, Rhetoric. The fog of what I can now self-diagnose as mild depression was lifted as I read 401k agreements and signed my non-compete. Out I went into the workforce, dutifully Powerpointing, troubleshooting, and working under the gun for ever-pressing client needs.

Immediately I recognized that in agency life, there are 2 main tracks- account management, and creative execution. I also saw that I'm not good at being the middle-man, the account person who pedals a seemingly endless loop between client and creative until somehow, by the grace of the ad gods, an agreeable product is finalized. However, I'd been hired as an account coordinator so I tried my best to stay on the path that had been laid out for me.

Yet as I watched freelance writers flow in and out, I knew that I wanted to do their work and not my own. That I am much more equipped to create than to manage the creation. (This is the marketing equivalent of actors saying they want to direct, by the way.) In came, through a total twist of fate, a job that, among other things, requires me to troll the internet, and dissect what I read on the industry through the use of strategic blog posts on the company website. Yaht. Zee.

Without getting too mush-mush on you, thanks for reading. This blog has been my only writing outlet for the last two years. Often times the only thing that kept me coming back was a snarky email from a friend demanding new posts to pep up the workday. Other times, I wrote because I was afraid that without blogging, I'd never write anything more substantial than an e-mail. Now I can say that part of my job is choosing the right words, in the right order, on the right subject.

Onward, upward is my slogan for the year, since my blogging BFFs have such good ones. I think it's fitting because this is going to be an enormous change that I couldn't be more enthusiastic to explore.

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Peace Corps

P is for Peace Corps.

The Peace Corps was founded in {year during JFK's presidency}. The main mission was {something impressive} and also probably to spread goodwill throughout the globe. Over the years, {a big number} of people old and young have worked as humanitarians through this wonderful program, leading to the development of initiatives such as {a;lksdjv;lkjsd}.

Eff it. Mary's HOME! She's been gone 2 years, 4 months, and something like maybe 15 days. We've lived without her for that whole time, all the while staring at her blog praying for an update, and listening to her hilarious stories about the culture of her village in Senegal when she got to make an odd phone call. (One of my favorites was hearing about how the volunteers convinced a bar with a TV to stay open until 8 AM so they could watch the 2008 presidential election coverage. Later, a nearby ice cream shop offered "Obama Cookie" ice cream, and quickly sold out of their new flavor.)

I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she told me she's at Kowalski's, one of the highest end grocery chains in Minnesota. She's buying the fixings for burgers, and dips for tonight's family barbecue. God bless the girl for coming home and instantly remembering the glory that is... dip.

After a few minutes of chatting, she asked, "So what are you doing?"

It was one of those ridiculous conversations that can't possibly go well because... well, because the girl is at a grocery store 20 minutes away and I'm at work printing new business literature, and it's been 2 years since I've seen her but I can't hightail it over there RIGHT. NOW.

She had a pomegranate margarita last night, in NYC, and said that she knew all the girls would have loved it. The night I fell in love with pom margs was also the night we snapped this picture. I can't believe we're all about to be in the same place again.

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Apartment, Autonomy

A is for apartment, of course. Roommate J and I assembled our new place in waves over the long weekend . On our first morning here, we walked to the coffeeshop across the street, and returned a few minutes later to sip lattes from our sunporch and watch the morning foot traffic go by. I felt a familiar twinge- reminiscent of my senior year at Madison, when everything fell into place. Post-grad, I've often remarked that I was just trying to get back to that feeling, that alignment and balance. While my job(s), friendships, relationship, and family life have all been together for awhile now, I was missing the independence that can only come from living on your own. And now, it's back and I'm a little bit blissed out of my mind at the prospect of creating my own home again. So, A is also for autonomy.

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Also, they have a whirlpool

In the last year and a half of living at home, I've become everyone's go-to house sitter. By my estimation, I've house-sat 6 times this year. Some people are great about leaving directions (down to the color-coding of TV remotes to their notes), others leave very little instruction (great for when their plants die, as it's not technically my fault), and some get so nit-picky that I spend the week fearful that they might have me on a nanny cam streaming to their Ho-Jo suite in Tampa.

My current house-sitting gig takes the cake. I haven't actually started yet, so this might be premature. But my co-worker who leaves tomorrow for a great family vacay created a full 'ABC's of the house' document for me that outlines everything I'll need to know and it is hysterical. From letter C, subhead T:

Throw-up. The standard game plan is to first ignore the offense, just in case someone else might notice and clean it up. (This may be an ineffective first step for you, I don't know.) Pick up the disgusting pile of unchewed food, squirt the offending are with a couple shots of Resolve, leave for 5 minutes, blot with a damp sponge or old rag, extol {cat} on the virtues of healthy eating habits and the dangers of shoving his paw down his throat.

In addition to the comedic guide, I was instructed to drink heavily while there, given directions on running paths in the neighborhood, and they changed their wireless password to my name for ease. Fresh basil will be blooming out of control on the deck, please take as much as you want! Oh, and the deck overlooks a quiet marsh! Our appliances are old and so we'd actually be grateful if you broke them so we could have a reason to replace them!

Who are these people?!

They're either the best house-sitting clients of all time, or their cats are bulimic descendants of Lucifer, and I'll run screaming after 2 days.

We. Shall. See.

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Margot Fonteyn didn't have great feet

I've been feeling like a bad blogger with nothing to write about, but then someone found my blog yesterday by searching "wooden nickel cigar butts nice day". Undoubtedly the best search term that has ever led anyone to this page. I decided to step up my game.

On Monday I shot back into the real world, the one where I only have one job and nowhere to go after work. I forgot how difficult it is to be efficient when you aren't racing to get everything done- my 4 PM shotclock has been largely responsible for my freak productivity the last few months. I also didn't realize how depressing it would be to open up Gmail and not see a 15-post email convo about practice plans, costume changes, and the ability of our team to land a triple pirouette.

What am I going to do with myself, aside from catching up with the friends I abandoned so I could scream at high-kicking teenage girls for 4 months? Volunteer, become a workout fiend, recharge my politico-obsessed persona from Madison circa 2008? Hell, could I do all those things and just forgo sleep entirely?

I know myself, and to take a break is to give license to a sedentariness that can best be described as "Biggest Loser-Nachos-Diet Coke-Project Runway-Why Don't My Jeans Fit- Oooh My Bra Is Too Small! Oh Wait, Not In The Right Way". Much like a hyperactive kindergartener, I can't handle free time.

For now, I'm going to bask in the glory of my team, who was awarded 2nd place in the State last weekend. My alma mater hadn't medaled in State in 13 years- we were the Susan Lucci of MN Dance Teams. Unless my kid goes to the Olympics, I don't think I'll ever match the pride I had watching them accept their medals.

I know you all can't stand the suspense any longer, so here's the link to our award-winning routine. Mercifully, the cameraman cut out the spaztastic coaches in his filming.

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She'll tell you it's the only way to be

"You're a relationship person," a well-meaning friend told me a few months ago. "It's what you do."

In perhaps the ultimate example of cognitive dissonance, I disagreed. "No way. I'm always single. I was single ALL of high school- remember?"

In case you haven't realized it yet, I have an issue with remembering that I am no longer 20. After I rebutted my friend's theory, I quickly remembered that it's been five years since I graduated high school and I spent four of those years in relationships or exclusive flirtfests. Self-identification FAIL. I hate it when that happens.

I think I have a hard time remembering my dating history because once a relationship ends, I sink so easily back into my old single habits. Grateful for the guilt-free time with my friends and family, I relish every opportunity to see them. I spend full Saturdays with a cup of coffee and a book in my sunporch, leaving my cell phone upstairs because I won't need to be answering any emergency queries like "What's that one Wedding Crashers quote? From when they're in the kitchen?" Instead of wondering what our plans are for March, I enthusiastically respond "YES! I'm IN!" to reunion emails from old friends.

I guess I'm saying, that even in the most non-committal relationship, autonomy dissipates quietly as the months pass. This isn't a bad thing- compromise, trust, and even the reluctant acceptance of dealbreakers can take the place of your single freedom. All of these things, along with the intermittent mornings of waking up next to someone you care about, make relationships worth that sacrifice. However, if the love fades and the bed is increasingly empty, there is definite comfort in knowing that to be single is to give yourself allowance to indulge on whims, be unapologetically selfish, and generally spit in the face of adulthood. One lesser-known perk is that you can earnestly sing the second verse of Ruby Tuesday- with feeling!- in your car at 7:15 in the morning.

That isn't to say that I've been sitting at home like a nun, thwarting off all advances because I so enjoy being unattached. I'm tentatively re-entering the dating pool, one adorable stranger at a time. I guess, if I'm committed to using that tired analogy, then I'm actually sitting at the edge of the deep end, unsure if the water is warm enough to jump in. I'll stay here for awhile, I think, until I see a bright shiny quarter seven feet down. Then I'll knock some bitches out of the way as I dive in headfirst, goggles on the prize, arm outstretched as the bubbles rise from my nose to the surface.

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Runnin On Empty

The jig is up- my life is in shambles. My beautiful yoga retreat in the north woods was wonderful, but it set me up for failure in the real world.

For one, I'm a bag lady. I leave my house when it's dark, carrying a purse that most would consider an overnight bag, enough food for 3 square meals, a bag of dance clothes, my work computer, and, this week, a bag full of art supplies for some kickass projective team-bonding exercises. At work, my brain is on the dancer who looked upset the day before. At dance, my mind is on the project at work that has been sitting in a secret pile under my desk for the last month. I've taken to brewing coffee around 3:30 because I'm so tired that it doesn't even keep me awake at night anymore (I'm BACK!)

Last week, after spending 3 weeks trying to get ahold of TMW, we finally scheduled a 9 PM phone date. I woke up at 4 AM, fully clothed, with a book on my face, and realized that I had fallen asleep even before our call was to take place. I rolled over onto my stomach, underwire digging into my ribcage, turned off the light with one swift motion, and passed back out face-first into my pillow. When I woke up 2 hours later to my alarm, I was certain that it had all been a dream - until I put my feet on the floor and saw that I was wearing jeans, a high ponytail, and my makeup rivaled Momsen on her way to a big performance:

On my way to a wedding this weekend, I grabbed a clutch on the sprint out the door. When looking through my huge purse for stuff to put in the clutch, I found:

• a back up server from work
• 4 DD batteries (?)
• phone charger
• a broken iPod Shuffle
• a 10K running schedule that I printed in July and never could locate afterwards
• 2 full Aquafina water bottles
• 4 different sets of keys (work, car, other car, other work) - none of them on same keychain

At a dinner with friends at Fuddrucker's last night, I took a dessert bar out of my bag and offered it up for sharing. Mid-chew, I informed them that a nice woman in the elevator had given it to me that day. Bob looked like he might vomit as he slowly swallowed his one bite. No, I didn't have the brainpower to discern that I had possibly fallen victim to the adult version of "Strangers With Candy". Yes, I finished it. It was delicious.

My "workout" alarm goes off every morning at 5:30, and I've actually just started laughing at it. Today, I mumbled "Good One" as I turned it off and rolled back over.

Mercifully, no one has staged an intervention yet. Don't worry- I have a plan. I'm grounding myself for all of Saturday. I plan on throwing out half of my closet, including but not limited to my impressive Hanes White Tee collection that I have been working on since freshman year of college. I am terrible at getting rid of stuff, but my plan is to get so caffeinated that I actually black out a little bit and just toss with reckless abandon. From there, I'm combining my four calendars (oh, and keychains) into one so that I don't lose my damn mind cross-referencing them in my head. If this doesn't work, I think I might have to get a stupid stupid smartphone. Nothing makes me angrier than knowing that I'll never return to my free 2003 Nokia, so that's definitely a last resort.

In sum? I'm not complaining. I just know I need to get myself in check, lest I have a nervous breakdown at work because I left a full bag of perishable groceries on the table again (totally hypothetical). At the end of the day, as my mind is racing with planning, pirouettes, and presentations, I am mostly thinking about how lucky I am to be have 2 jobs that allow me to showcase different interests and talents. One year ago, i was job-less (and slightly hopeless). What a difference a year makes when you finally land where you belong.

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And the archer split the tree

Being the good liberal that I am, I am a diligent Vanity Fair reader. For two hours a month, it makes me feel like my obsession with celebrities and pop culture makes me a renaissance woman in search of the truth, rather than a shallow entry-level worker with a lot of time on her hands. (If any Vanity Fair editors should come across this, I think it's high time you stopped running stories, interviews, and pictorials featuring Levi Johnston. It makes me feel like I bought STAR instead.)

Anyway, every month a celebrity of some sort answers the "Proust questionnaire", a tweaked version of the original personality questionnaire created by the French writer. Every month, I find myself staring at the questions wondering how I'd answer them if I were asked. So... because I'm taking a mental health day despite technically sitting at my desk, here are the answers I just came up with:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A full table of my favorite people at Amy's, cliche classic rock playing in the background. I have stolen bar signs in my oversized purse, and I'm double fisting vodka sobes as my friends and I laugh hysterically at things we won't remember in the morning.

What is your greatest fear?
Settling for less than I deserve

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
I'm bad at living in the moment

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Entitlement

Which living person do you most admire?

My mom is the most genuine person I have ever known.

What is your current state of mind?
Bogged down by insignificant details

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Chastity. I feel really bad for Republicans because they haven't figured this out yet.

On what occasion do you lie?
When I'm caught in another lie

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
It'd be sweet to have a torso.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Independence

What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Confidence

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Insane. Amazing. Fabulous. I'm one giant hyperbole (see- I can't even be just a hyperbole. I have to be a giant one)

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Tie for first: Soy lattes with a sprinkle of raw sugar, and Caribou Cold Press with a 1/2 shot of white chocolate

Which talent would you most like to have?

To sing without people around me wincing.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I'd occasionally make decisions without worrying about everyone else's feelings.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Surrounding myself with a great support system. My friends and family are loyal, supportive, compassionate, and kind. I'm so lucky.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

A cherry blossom tree in Library Mall. Not at all symbolic, I just love that place in the late spring.

What is your most treasured possession?
A necklace my grandmother left to me. I think it has special powers- good things always happen to me when I wear it.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Thinking more negative thoughts than positive ones.

What is your favorite occupation?
I'm taking this as dream occupation, so- Director of a non-profit centered around preventative reproductive healthcare and sexuality education for adolescent girls. Clearly, I've never thought about it before.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My mouth is the size of a five year old's.

Who are your favorite writers?
Audrey Niffeneger and Kaye Gibbons for the characters, James Joyce thematically, Dan Savage and David Sedaris when I need to laugh.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Fern Arable. Dinah as written in The Red Tent.

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Bobby Kennedy

Who are your heroes in real life?

Beyonce. Deep down, everyone wants to be Sasha Fierce.

What is it that you most dislike?
A tie between the Literal interpretation of the Bible, and pickles

What is your greatest regret?
Not majoring in Spanish in college

How would you like to die?

While napping, after walking my dog around the lake, coffee in hand, and realizing how wonderful and lucky a life I've led. (Yes, every answer I came up with to this question made me sound like I was living in a Nicholas Sparks novel)

What is your motto?

"The Secret of Life is Enjoying the Passing of Time" - One Mr. James Vernon Taylor

"The sharpest criticism often goes hand in hand with the deepest idealism and love of country." - Bobby Kennedy

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A distant motorcade... and suddenly, there's joy

This week marks the one year mark of my return to Minnesota after 4 years of college in Madison, WI. As my seven diligent readers know, it's been a rough year. In all fairness it's been a bipolar year more than anything else.

I've been beaten up by a seemingly endless job search, only to be rewarded with a job 100 times better than all the ones that turned me down. I've missed my Madison friends and roommates more than I ever imagined, while spending time with the people who first made me who I am. I've been confused over a breakup that, for some reason or another, took a different trajectory than the ones in which I have previously participated. I've been tossed back into single-dom, a place I haven't been in well over 2 years. I've been trying to become a full-fledged member of my immediate family while simultaneously trying to hold fast to my independence. I've lived one final year alongside someone I know came to me by an act of divine intervention five years ago.

Here are a few things that have been keeping me busy, rejuvenating me and making me feel like I’m finally getting it together:

Dance
Perhaps the most exciting news I have is that I'm going to be a dance team coach at my high school this year. After a slight fear that my full-time job was too chaotic and unpredictable to take on a second, I was assured by several co-workers this week that I too deserve a work-life balance. As my first duty, I went to freshman orientation last week (alone!) to give a short spiel on our team to the incoming students. The mini speech went fine- it's easy to talk up a team that gave me confidence and leadership skills when I needed them the most.

As I drove out of the parking lot after the short meeting, I was cat-called by a small group of the freshman boys I had just spoken to in the audience. I pretended to ignore them, impatiently fumbling with my music selection as one of them knocked on my hood as a last-ditch attempt to get my attention.

I'm glad to know that high school boys haven't changed in the last ten years, actually. I want to find the smart but amiable freshman girls on my team and warn them: Do not flirt with the freshman football player with an earring, who is from the suburbs but thinks Tupac understands him best. His mom picks out his clothes. He'll ask to copy your homework, and then he'll lose it. After all your trouble, he'll end up dating the girl on the volleyball team that makes out with guys in the hidden hallway on the 3rd floor.

I want to tell them but I know that they all have to experience it firsthand. I hope, as in my case, that they come out on the other end of high school bent but not broken.

Block
Every day that I log into Facebook, the same four or five people bring down my chi with their negative statuses. For some, it's their work or co-workers. I find this to be in extremely poor taste in general, but I also think that anyone with a job right now should realize how lucky they are. Nothing is guaranteed in this marketplace- why give anyone a reason to doubt your loyalty or enthusiasm?

The other, perhaps more obnoxious, contributors to my daily depression are those in tumultuous relationships. I can't imagine trashing my boyfriend one day and then declaring my undying love for him the next, but these people exist. They exist and they NEVER. STOP. POSTING.

Being the good ex-Catholic that I am (I only retained the guilt!) I cannot fathom de-friending them. Most are still within a few degrees of separation and there is the potential that I will see them around town. So, what to do? I blocked those assclowns. They no longer show up on my feed, but are still technically my "friends". It sounds silly, but I cannot tell you what a sense of relief I feel logging in and knowing that I will not be bombarded with rageful traffic updates from a girl who lives ten states away. It is true what they say- negativity breeds negativity. I have no time for these nay-sayers in my new, fabulous life.

Reconnect
I've been lucky enough this year to get back in touch with a few different friends from my past.

Earlier this summer, a friend and I had conflicting plans for Memorial Day weekend and had to drive to a cabin separately from the larger group. Unexpectedly, the 7+ hours of travel proved not to be enough time to discuss our future plans and goals, and what might stand in the way of them. As we segued from self-induced stress to the importance of finding a career that fulfills you without skipping a beat, I realized that I hadn’t had a conversation like this in years. Perhaps, ever. We continue to keep in touch, sharing both insights and music, and I am grateful that our inconvenient scheduling yielded an opportunity to bond over the quiet pressures of being a 20-something with an uncertain future.

A few weeks ago, another friend returned home for law school, and we made plans for dinner. I was ecstatic to see that he’s still brilliant but self-effacing, and has the same wicked sense of humor I remember from when we were kids. Oh, and he came bearing mix CD’s. We have plans to keep exploring the culture of Minneapolis together (it must exist, somewhere deep below the Nickelback concerts and Twilight pre-screenings) and I'm loving that I have a go-to music/politics/societal commentator in my midst again.

On a different but happy note- Teresa also made a quick comeback appearance, in her 2-week overlap between Colombia and Madison. As we sat at dinner, playfully communicating via an “OH REALLY?!” followed by a few eyebrow raises, we busted into giggles. Bobby asks incredulously, “How long were you two roommates?” and we both are still laughing as I say “Three glorious months.” You could chalk up our dynamic to having been raised in parallel environments, or that we are both interested in journalism, writing, and media. I know the truth- that we pretend to be tough but will sob our way through sad movies; that we are sarcastic but know when we’ve gone too far; that we have had the same best friends for decades because we like to grow alongside them rather than replace them. We’re the same in a lot of ways, and to have her even 5 hours away is a great relief.

It’s the beginning of a whole new year, and to a certain extent, a whole new life. My period of maladjustment is coming to a welcome end, and I’m excited to finally be finding the balance between the two very different lives that have been pulling me apart since last May.

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36-24-36? Only if she's five three

Today was an unexpectedly fantastic day. After a long and emotionally destructive drive home from Chicago, I was not prepping for a Monday at my internship to be a sweet time. A series of seemingly insignificant things happened, leading me to believe that the rest of the summer might just be looking up.

- The barista that I have an inexplicable crush on at Espresso Royale (were he not a dreadlocked hippie who casually switches over to a Scottish accent without warning) took one look at my full punch card, handed me my free latte and then gave me back said punch card. Then he winked at me and told me to enjoy my Monday. That's a three dollar and forty-eight cent savings, my non-coffee drinking friends. I practically skipped to my internship.

- My boss didn't have any writing work for me today so I got to set up an equation on how we should analyze Wisco politicians' voting record on choice. I could go into details, but I was pretty much just pumped to do math for the first time in about six years. Turns out I still remember enough algebra to create an equation that simultaneously pumps up the voting record of well-meaning mixed choice advocates while deflating the voting record of the crappy anti-choicers that vote only when their reelection is at stake. Er I hope that's what I did. I was using onlinecalculator.com and a sharpie, so... we'll see how it turns out.

- On my way home from work, I walked past a man outside the tapas restaurant who nudged his friend and said "did you just see that girl's ass?" in an appreciative/awestruck tone. I turned bright red wondering how many french fries I had eaten this weekend. Then I spotted the Kim Kardashian lookalike about three feet in front of me. And started cracking up. Looks like I'll need a few more plates of fries before I get any compliments on my juicy double.

- Nine years ago today, Bobby Cass turned thirteen. I forgot to call him to wish him a happy birthday, and so he broke up with me. For the eight consecutive year, I have remembered to call him and yet he still refuses to let go of the grudge. I have images in my head of me not recognizing my own children in sixty years, but still waking up in a cold sweat on June 23rd and dialing his parents' home number in vain.

- I didn't have to schlep any stirfry today. And I don't tomorrow or the next day, either. Three full days of not having to explain how a create your own stirfry restaurant works. My bank account is weeping but my pride is beginning to grow back.

- I just decided with my roommates that the ultimate verbal dealbreaker would be anyone who uses the phrase "making love" without cracking up. (Which Ethan Hawke just did, in the movie we are watching)

- I was just about to post this for good because I feel like it's getting a bit less exciting and Lisa Loeb "Stay" came blaring out of my television. YESSSSS

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