Wednesday, December 18, 2013


I can’t adequately describe the excitement I feel when I run into an old friend at the grocery store, the parent of a kid I coached at the coffeeshop. It took me years to understand  that not everyone has that reaction; it took me years to realize that community isn’t everyone else’s lifeblood. 

But it’s always been my lifeblood. 

The biggest achievements in my life – my friendships, my career path, coaching coups – are not blips that popped up on a radar out of nowhere. Each is an intricate, sticky spiderweb full of life-long relationships, almost-missed connections, out-of-the-blue text messages and friends-of-friends-of-friends-who-thought-of-me-who-thought-of-you. 

And so, when one of those almost-missed connections, a friend of a friend, became my boyfriend almost overnight, it made perfect sense to me. Though I was inclined to take it slow, both my heart and head immediately saw him for who he was - a potential partner. 

The problem was that he lived a plane ride away, and that’s where he had to stay. My life – my stable life, the community that had surrounded me for decades – would have to bottom out in order for him to fit in. The weight of the next questions nearly crushed me. 

How can I leave all this behind? 

And most importantly.

Who am I if I'm not here?

The answer, of course, is me. I'm not merely a pixelated composition of the people, places and experiences that have come so far. Those are all a part of me. 

But I'm also the brazen liberal biproduct of two apolitical parents, the dancer in the midst of athlete brothers, the girl who once forced a group of rugby players to talk about domestic violence in the back of a crowded Wisconsin college bar.

In two weeks, I leave behind Minnesota. And context. 

I'm scared of what comes next, of course, but I'm relieved that I get to bring myself with me when I go. 

Because, as it turns out, I have created my community, I was not created by it.


mm said...

Well written... It sounds like you'll continue to make those webs!

Kristy said...


It's been such an uplifting part of each day to read your blog. I wish you so much happiness that you burst, filling California with your sparkly energy! You are such a fantastic person and I really treasure the memories we made so long ago- I'm honored to be apart of your web.