Friday, December 19, 2008

I must have tortured small, defenseless animals in a previous life

I've never seen this horrendous excuse for a film, but I've caught bits and pieces on tv. The other night, I watched a scene where Lohan trudges to a restaurant looking like hell, and is nearly kicked out because she cannot even afford a piece of apple pie. I rolled my eyes, decided she is the world's most robotic actress on earth, and then pondered a career in screenwriting.

Last night, as I slipped on a patch of ice in my garage (yes you read that correctly- it is effing freezing here), and found myself in a Twister-like position with my hair caught on the license plate screws of my mom's car, I began to think that I should not have been so quick to judge. Minus a real-life crippling drug addiction, I actually did resemble:

I told myself to remain calm. It doesn't get much worse than forcing yourself into a hybrid center split-one handed pushup position as you slowly bob your head up and down to test for the most effective unraveling process.

I genuinely believed that, too. Then I got into the shower today, and found two missed calls on my phone when I emerged. Two calls in eight minutes, from a woman who I had a final interview with on Tuesday. Her voicemail now informs me she will be on holiday through the New Year. I made certain to hang up before unleashing a series of expletives that would have made maximum security prison guards blush.

You know it's a harsh week when you find yourself thinking that forced stretching exercises beneath the hood of your car aren't so bad after all.


Teresa said...

Is it ok that I laughed out loud thinking of you with strands of hair caught in a license plate?

It has to be, because you know that I laugh out loud at anything you write.

Katie said...

Um just so you know that movie is not a "horrendus excuse of a film". I am pretty positive I have seen it multiple times, along with Lohan's other great masterpieces like "I Know Who Killed Me". Don't just start dissing Lohan, she is one of the best actresses out there haha.