Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Losing my religion

Hmmm, I'm still not sure how I feel about blogging (hence my overly confident title), but I've been talking about it for too long to not make an attempt. In typical fashion, the perfect time to start was at eleven p.m. the night before a paper was due. In typical fashion, I haven't started the paper...

I'm looking at volunteer corps opportunities for when I graduate, anything that will allow me to postpone my "real life" for a while longer. One asked me to write an autobiography, a daunting task when you know that its content could be a dealbreaker. Even more terrifying than hiding the unsavory tidbits, though, is wondering what that hiding means. Under religious background, is it wrong to state that I went to 13 years of Catholic education, taught Sunday school for four years, and participated in campus ministry teams? Or that I admire my parents' religiosity? All of these are true statements, but there is so much hidden information there. I may have attended and participated, but I haven't felt a true connection to the church in quite some time. I admire my parents' faith, but I know that I cannot, like them, fail to see the disparity between human justice and church doctrine. The Christianity that I have often seen is flawed; theory does not match up with practice.

I consider myself lucky. My parents have never subscribed to the practice of judging other people. They overwhelmingly have accepted the fact that my best friend is gay, that we live together, that he will forever be a part of my life. When asked, my mother has stated that he should have the same rights as anyone, that love is love is love (and family is family is family). They welcomed my brother's girlfriend into our family when she discovered she was pregnant. Despite their personal stances against abortion, both my parents have supported my pro-choice rants, and recent internship at a pro-choice political organization. According to most "Christians" these days, my parents are rapping on the door of Lucifer, begging for post-mortem residency. If you want my opinion, they are the most Christian people I know. They think the rhythm method is hysterical, they occasionally sleep through church or intentionally skip it for a basketball tournament. It is their warmth and love for those around them, in everyday situations and impossible circumstances, that makes them the ideal Christians I admire.

Admiration is far from acceptance. Unlike my parents, I cannot separate the church's judgments and mandates from my life and the lives of those I care about. I have never believed in picking and choosing for my own convenience, and this is no exception.

Back to this application... how much of a fudge is it to NOT include vodka sobes and mini mixed drink bongs in my interests? Or my intense coffee addiction as a reason why I might not be able to live a simple life, with few luxuries? I'm beginning to think religion might not be the dealbreaker here. It's going to be all the other things I've gotten accustomed to in my four years in beer and cheese country.