Hipsters

I live in an area populated with a lot of hipsters. Many times, I’ve been confused as to whether the person walking by is a hipster or a 20-something dressed as my 5^th grade geography teacher. Last week, I saw a woman in a baggy black cotton turtleneck, black mom jeans (tapered, high-waisted, and ill-fitting all over), caramel colored orthopedic shoes, and an across-the-shoulder bag with cat embroidery. She was, of course, wearing glasses that looked like this:

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Much like the fake rastafarians that ruled my high school in the early ‘00s, I think hipsters spend a lot of money to look like they don't have any money. This frustrates me, as I'm the girl who tries to make Target clothing look fancy.

To be fair, not all hipsters look like your grade school librarian - some are super cute, and might lead you to say things like, "Could I ever rock teal high-waisted denim pants?" The answer to that question should almost always be no.

Don't discount hipsters trends all together, though. For example, my roommate just purchased these shorts from Anthropologie:

She got them hemmed so they, in her words, looked "a little less Troop 172 leader and a little more 1940's pin-up." She looks fabulous in them - huzzah! Long live high-waisted bottoms that are somehow flattering!

Where was I? This is a very disjointed post. Let's return back to the golden rules of fashion. Coco Chanel once said, “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and remove one accessory.”

I think hipsters and budding hipsters might need a similar guideline. How about:

"Before leaving the house, remove clothing items and/or facial hair patterns until your appearance is less than 30% ironic in nature."

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If ironic math isn't your bag, follow this rule: If the golden couple ^ of hipster fashion would not wear what you're wearing, take it off.